Social Narcissism
Every human being needs a sense of self-worth. The problem is that this need can be satisfied in two very different ways:
One way is grounded in reality: I value myself because I genuinely create, love, think, and contribute. The other is narcissistic: I believe I am valuable simply because I am me.
An expansive view of the narcissist is found in the fourth chapter of a book called “The Heart of Man: Its Genius for Good and Evil” by German Jewish philosopher, Erich Fromm. (1900-1980)
Fromm’s exploration of narcissism was part of a larger life-long project of his and a group of his friends from the Frankfurt School. They sought to understand why human beings are attracted to authoritarianism and fascism. They were curious about why the Marxist project failed to manifest in the West.
The traits of narcissism based on Freudian theories were instrumental in answering some of their fundamental questions, and Fromm warned his followers about them.
Hasidic tradition has long warned of the exact same trait. It teaches that this characteristic bears the potential of bringing evil and destruction to society. They do not call it narcissism, but rather “Klipat Midyan.”
Our double portion this week, Matot-Masei, opens with a text that I personally find one of the most challenging to read in the Torah from the standpoint of the modern, ethical eye.
God tells Moses:
נְקֹ֗ם נִקְמַת֙ בְּנֵ֣י יִשְׂרָאֵ֔ל מֵאֵ֖ת הַמִּדְיָנִ֑ים אַחַ֖ר תֵּאָסֵ֥ף אֶל־עַמֶּֽיךָ׃
“Take revenge for the Israelites against the Midianites. Afterward, you will die and be gathered to your people.”
According to this, the last task God commands Moses to do before his death is to exact vengeance on the Midianites.
Moses does not delay and quickly gathers a thousand men from each tribe to perform the task.
The men succeed in their mission. They end up killing all the Midianite men, capturing all the women and children, plundering all their villages and burning all of their properties. If that’s not enough, when they come back to Moses, he is angry at them for not killing the women and children as well. He orders them to kill all the male children and to keep alive only the girls who are virgins.
How can anyone in our day and age deal with such a text, and what should we make of it?
Whenever I encounter a difficult text such as this in the Torah, it is usually the Hasidic interpretation which makes it tolerable for me.
Rabbi Shneur Zalman of Liadi (1745-1812) who is also known as Ba’al HaTanya is the founder and first Rebbe of Chabad. He explains in his book Likutei Torah that this merciless and total war against the Midianites is in fact an inner war. A war on a trait which is known as “Klipat Midyan” that we need to eradicate from ourselves.
”Klipat Midyan,” according to the Rebbe and Hasidic tradition, is a trait where one is so self-centered that they are unable to see others as entities that exist outside themselves, as real and independent people. Rather, other people are fragments of their own reality that fulfill a role which is meant to serve them. The interesting thing about Klipat Midyan, is that this view of other people comes with no particular reason. Therefore, Klipat Midyan is, in fact, a trait that we also call senseless hatred or Sinat Hinam.
Sinat Hinam, in our tradition, is extremely dangerous because it has brought on our people nothing but destruction and chaos. Therefore, the Rebbe explains, we should fight it in a merciless and total war.
The Rebbe writes:
״ואחר כל זה יובן ענין נקמת הוי׳ במדין כי בחינת שנאת חנם ופירוד זהו ממש המנגד לשם הוי׳ שעיקרו השלום וההתכללות...״
"And after all this, the matter of the Lord’s vengeance upon Midian can be understood; for the aspect of senseless hatred and divisiveness stands in direct opposition to the Name of God —the essence of which is peace and unification..."
It is interesting to note that Midian dwelled in the area that today is Western Saudi Arabia. Seemingly, it has no direct border with the Land of Israel, and the Midianites were never “in the way” of the Israelites when they came to settle in the land. Therefore, one should wonder why the Midianites were such mortal enemies of the Israelites? The answer lies in this exact lack of conflict. The Midianites animosity towards the Israelites had no rhyme or reason, no real purpose. In other words, it was senseless. This could explain why “Klipat Midyan” is the name of the trait which causes senseless hatred.
Klipat Midyan is what a couple of centuries after the Rebbe, Erich Fromm and Freud would call narcissism.
Fromm, however, took the term one step further than Freud, when he coined the phrase “Social Narcissism.” According to Fromm, narcissism was not only an individual trait. Individuals could sometimes transfer their narcissism onto groups.
Instead of saying: "I am wonderful," they say: "My nation is wonderful, my religion is perfect, my race is superior, my political movement alone possesses truth, my denomination alone is chosen."
This feels less selfish because the focus appears to be on the group. Psychologically, however, the mechanism is almost identical. The person's identity becomes fused with the collective.
This Social Narcissism is so dangerous because it is capable of inflicting unimaginable harm, harm that Fromm himself witnessed following the Holocaust.
From this point of view, the war on Midian looks a little different, it is a war on the natural human tendency to dehumanize anyone who does not belong to one’s own reality. One which is created out of their own self image.
Right after God commands Moses to embark on the war against Midian, the following verse is written:
וַיְדַבֵּ֤ר מֹשֶׁה֙ אֶל־הָעָ֣ם לֵאמֹ֔ר הֵחָלְצ֧וּ מֵאִתְּכֶ֛ם אֲנָשִׁ֖ים לַצָּבָ֑א וְיִהְיוּ֙ עַל־מִדְיָ֔ן לָתֵ֥ת נִקְמַת־יְהֹוָ֖ה בְּמִדְיָֽן׃
“Moses spoke to the people, saying, “Let troops be picked out from among you for a campaign, and let them fall upon Midian to wreak GOD’s vengeance on Midian.”
What is translated here as “be picked out from among you” in Hebrew, is written as Hechaltzu Me’eitchem, הֵחָלְצ֧וּ מֵאִתְּכֶ֛ם. This is a grammatical error. The correct translation is not “be picked out from among you” but rather “you get picked from among you.” The Hasidic rabbis explain that the core of the issue is found here. You get picked from among you, הֵחָלְצ֧וּ מֵאִתְּכֶ֛ם, means get out of yourself, step out of your own skin, fight your narcissism, see others.
During these days which lead to Tisha B’av, a day when senseless hatred led to destruction and exile, this portion is a good reminder for us to step out of ourselves and to see others. This is the only way we might be able to prevent another hurban, another catastrophe.
